I sat and thought about the blinding light that whispered 'I love you' in my ears.. I managed to convince myself that it was a dream or maybe a hallucination..What was it trying to convey...May be nothing except that I need to see a psychologist...I tried to forget all about it..
A few days later, the picture over my bed could have hit my head... I felt it was due to the earthquake that no one other me and my mum in Dehradun felt...I thought it would be in the news... But there wasn't any such news...I shrugged it as another hallucination...I was convinced that I need a psychologist but I heaved a sigh of relief when I found out that mom had the same experience so it was not just me...What a relief...
I remember asking God if the decision I have taken is right or wrong and remember the heavy air around me as is He wanted me to back off... But did I understand it???
I remember the disturbing dreams that every night appeared to warn me about something...Probably a cataclysm...But did I take a clue???
Everything around me was warning me...My new phone giving up...My machines failing and my health deteriorating...as if all the five elements have given up on me and the sixth had taken over the complete control...But did I trust my instincts...
I remember feeling paralyzed when the worst was happening...I felt the pain when someone else was stabbed...But did It mean anything to me...Nope!!
So staunchly I believed in science and reasoning that all these incidents conveyed nothing to me but "My Own Disturbed Mind".
Every thing is as fresh in my mind as is the pain of separation...But here I stand, willing to take the responsibility than to disavow....
Everything noticeably lead to the cataclysm that the world witnessed..But there was an aftermath it failed to notice..A different me- a scientific bent of mind taking a sudden turn towards superstitions..
I don't feel abashed today while I affirm the existence of energies around us.. There isn't a moment of hesitation while accepting the most incredulous story...I believe in auras...in para physics and the forces in nature...I believe in all that I once shunned the idea of...Today I believe in the existence of fairies, demons, angels, occult sciences, hoodoo, voodoo, astrology, evil eye and all that has to do anything with the energies in nature...I am so attracted towards them that at times I feel like deviating from the path of shabd yog and following sahaj yog...Afterall its human nature to run after the forbidden fruit...I don't know if this exposure to the energies has made me open to the new ideas or has it made me superstitious and vulnerable...
Now after the reconciliation, I can't stop myself from being intrigued by them...My curiosity takes me to all the seminars that talk about them...I talk to people who know about them...I read all the literature that I get about them...And most importantly I still try to involve my mind else where so that gradually I lose my interest in them...
They fascinate me and more I find about them, more I want to find out...But I know my attraction to them is not healthy... As I am the last person to learn to use them...It takes a great deal of will power to stop myself from going on the path that might lead me away from the GOD...May be this is one of His way of testing me..
I don't know what I am seeking for and where exactly is this curiosity leading me...I just know one thing and that is...that this cannot be the direction of my life... I just wish that God should unravel His plans for me as soon as possible because I am restless and I am afraid that I might astray unless he keeps holding on to me...
