The Pain

I woke up next to her.
Yes the same pretty girl
who I wanted to spend my life with.
There was beauty in her eyes,
the unmatched beauty,
So ethereal she looked
Oh so graceful, so enchanting
sharing the bed with me

Her eyes spoke volumes
That she did not feel
I could sense the dark secrets
(darker than her ebony eyes)
those secrets she would never reveal,
mysterious she was
Oh so mysterious!
I always see the film
That covers her eyes,
As if hiding something
they couldn’t totally hide
They were the tears
They wanted to shed
She wouldn’t let them
She was so surreal

Oh what is it? What it is
That stops them from falling
Oh it’s the same thing I guess
Thats holding me back from calling
You MINE…totally mine
I feel it all the time she is with me
and yet not with me
She is in pain she would never reveal

Oh baby we would together work things out,
I aint the possessive types
Try me, just test me once
because I can’t take the pain
Of the pain that I see in your eyes.

On the day to work,
I try to concentrate,
Keep my mind off her eyes,
Oh those painful eyes!!!
But in vain
Coz baby I can’t keep my mind off
Off the pain that I see in your eyes
Oh baby we would together work things out
I ain’t the possessive types
Try me, just test me once,
because I can’t take the pain
Of seeing the pain in your eyes.

We live together, Talk and laugh.
You make this look so real,
The relation that we share.
How do I tell you, I fear losing you
Coz every time you smile I see the tears
It brings out my worst fears.
What is it that u r hiding?
You think I can’t handle it
But you are wrong,
Just take it off your chest
It will be for our best
Baby you have to try it.
For me, for you and for us.

Oh baby we would together work things out
I ain’t the possessive types
Try me,just test me once,
because I can’t take the pain
Of the pain that I see in your eyes.

My Fancy

People after people entering my life. And yet nothing kills the loneliness, nothing fills in the vacuum that u created.They all wanted to change me to suit their needs, to suit their requirements.
There is something dead in me, I have no clue what, but the other parts of me are totally inconsolable with their dead companion. Every few days, my heart starts aching and my head starts feeling heavy. My soul asks me to fight back, to wake up and to make my dreams come true. Compromises and sacrificing is not me. But the fighter is dead. People around me are happy to have found a new me. I wish they never know that I feel dead even before the death claims me.
I totally hate it when every breath of mine makes me realize that I am alive. They are the biggest burden I m carrying.I want to feel lighter. I am waiting for my physical death more intently than anyone ever have waited for anything.
I m going to Salasar they say, all that u wish for comes true and i guess i know what i wanna ask for.Please don't turn me away this time. There is no one praying for my life, not even me then why live. I m no good. There are people who want to live give them life. I want to marry death. It looks so attractive to me, so liberating.
Not in this life time I m coming back on the path. you know its not meant for fickle-minded people like me. Then why live?
Don't be so apathetic. I really can't take the pain of breathing anymore.

Eyes Like Yours"

Dedicated to the One whose love is so pure, so unadulterated...I had always loved your eyes....:)


Oh, you know I have seen
A sky without sun
A man with no nation
Saints, captive in chains
A song with no name
For lack of imagination
Ya he...
And I have seen
Darker than ebony

Ya he Ya he Ya la he

And now it seems, that I
Without your eyes could never be

My one desire, all I aspire
Is in your eyes forever to live
Traveled all over the seven oceans
There is nothing that I wouldn't give
Came from Bahrein, got to Beirut
Looking for someone comparing to you
Tearing down windows and doors
And I could not find eyes like yours

Came from Bahrein, got to Beirut
Looking for someone comparing to you
Tearing down windows and doors
And I could not find eyes like yours

Oh, You know I seen
A woman of means
In rags and begging for pleasure
Crossed a river of salt
Just after I rode
A ship that's sunk in the desert

Ya he Ya he Ya la he

And I have seen
Darker than ebony

Ya he Ya he Ya la he

And now it seems, that I
Without your eyes could never be

My one desire, all I aspire
Is in your eyes forever to live
Traveled all over the seven oceans
There is nothing that I wouldn't give
Came from Bahrein, got to Beirut
Looking for someone comparing to you
Tearing down windows and doors
And I could not find eyes like yours

Came from Bahrein, got to Beirut
Looking for someone comparing to you
Tearing down windows and doors
And I could not find eyes like yours



Came from Bahrein, got to Beirut
Looking for someone comparing to you
Tearing down windows and doors
And I could not find eyes like yours



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBzA7gf8F6E

The cinderalla's story

The party was in the full swing. The prince was dancing with the one who he had dreamt of all his life. She was more beautiful than his dream. Yes she was the One. He knew nothing about this mysterious girl and he didn’t want to lose a moment. He just wanted to keep looking into her deep blue eyes. He just wanted this dance to go on forever. She was so light footed, so graceful. The little blush on her cheeks showed that she too reciprocated. The aura around her made her look like a goddess. Oh! the music should go on. Let the world stand witness to this dance. It’s not just a dance. It’s a silent union of two souls whose saga will be sung till eternity.

It was midnight and the clock stuck 12. The moment the clock struck for the first time, her eyes grew large; making her look all the more pretty. Panicky, she turned back and ran towards the gate. Those deep eyes, golden hair, hour glass figure, looking ethereal in the white gown simply disappeared in her chariot, leaving prince and the rest of the gathering smitten. Nobody had seen her before but today she shone like a moon amongst the stars. Envied by all girls and sought after by all men was this petite beauty that had appeared from nowhere. She had stolen the heart of the prince and had left the party without a word or a promise. The only thing left was the glass slipper that had accidently come off during her unexpected sudden departure.

Was she a goddess, a fairy, an enchantress or a princess of a neighboring province? She couldn’t have been a commoner. Her gaiety, the richness of her skin was not ordinary. Whoever she was she had become talk of the town and an irrevocable desire for the prince.

Back home Cinderella was doing away with all the exquisite fittings and was smiling to herself. The night had felt so right, so complete, so beautiful.
Interrupting her thoughts, the door bell rang. She shuddered. The realization dawned on her. She was just a maid. A poor orphan. It was a dream. And now she was awake. She had resumed her senses. How can she ever think of marrying the prince. The bell rang again.

The step sisters and her step mom came in frustrated. They asked her if their rooms were clean. Grumbling to themselves they retired into their rooms. In her humble corner, she tried to sleep but she could not. She was thinking about the prince. He was so handsome, tall, broad shoulders, ebony black hair, dark eyes, and strong arms. She felt so loved in his arms, just the way she had felt when her parents were alive. Safe. She thought of his touch, the way her heart skipped beat every time he smiled at her, his undivided attention. She felt so special.

Would he look for her?

Oh why is she expecting he would. He is THE PRINCE. He would not have time to look for someone like her. With this one thought the magic of the moment completely came to halt and tears sprang out from her eyes. Hugging the pillow she cried hard. How could he not look for her. Why didn’t he ask her for the marriage right away? Will she ever meet him again? Will she ever feel that touch again? Will she ever marry him? She wanted to run away from the truth. Coz at the moment, the truth was that she is just miss nobody- a maid. She slept crying.

Next morning, her step-sisters and mom discussed that mysterious girl as some wanna-be, an impostor. They talked bitterly about her. Hell they were right. She was an impostor acting like a princess. It was all an illusion. She was quiet, trying not to look sad. She simply carried out her household chores.

Why had she at all gone to meet him? Why at all did he have to have dreams that are so unattainable? Why can’t she be like other girls? She loathed herself for not being realistic.

She tried concentrating on work but she could not. She tried to tell herself that party’s over. But something always pushed her to go on.

Why couldn’t she keep his eyes off her mind? Oh god! Wish she had known the future. It’s too much to take?

She thought of the way her parents died. Her mom looked so pretty, so peaceful, in a deep sleep. Did she know that her daughter would suffer the pain of her death all her life? She remembers her father’s smile as he introduced his new wife. Did he know that his one decision would rather take away everything from his daughter? All her dreams, all her rights.

The pain of losing the prince reminded her of her existence.
“Death is simple, peaceful and life is difficult, full of struggle”.

She misses her mom and Dad. If they were alive she wouldn’t have to hide her identity. She could have met the prince charming as herself. She could talk to him. She couldn’t stop imagining how life would have been different. But now the truth is that her parents were dead and there is no one who she could count on.

The days went on and there was no news from the prince. She was almost certain that her dreams would never come true. She had decided she would wipe him off her memories. She tried to hate him. His eyes, his touch, his feel, his curved lips, his embrace….Oh how could she!!! It felt so right. God! Please help. Let her sufferings come to an end. She had lost hope.

We all know how her wait ended… It was a fairy tale…It had to end well… But life is no fairy tale. The pain that people suffer here waiting for their desire to come true is not for days or months…Sometimes...... it never ends....

Wasted Away

Four years of waiting.and years to go has drained me totally...I wana now either live every moment...which apparently is not possible or die...its simpler to give up than to fight
i rather bask in the glory of death
than suffer the pain of life....
dont wana waste another moment

just an entry

Its strange that things seem closing on to me and i hate to admit that i know all thats happening around and yet just want to close my eyes to the truth.... want to believe that things are gonna be k...and yet...y does my heart live in a constant fear...wats coming up next....every tym i hear of a tragedy i cant stop tears from filling my eyes and then some times I feel my heart weighting on me...there are fears and doubts and pains and insecurities....i smile at myself, at others all the time.. unshed tears always taking abode in my eyes..who am i? I am not truly sure...what do i want from my life? probably just love and acceptance and a guarantee that it would stay forever and ever....and i know its the rarest thing that i am asking for...I get it enough and yet not enough...I talk to ppl, tell them tales, positive approach is all we need is wat i council them, help them in all the possible ways.. i tell them to love themselves...but let me face it...I am myself way to weak to be able to accept and love myself the way I am....this world seems to be a lie, full of impostors and thugs yet i let them enter in my life and let them walk away at their convenience...Nothing last forever is the only truth...what am I living for....i have no clue.....But i know who i m living for...and thats the only answer i have...there is glamour and parties and materialism everywhere....i wish i ever needed them...for what i ask for is priceless and out of reach of selfish beings

khud se...

Aansoo fir aaj chhalke.
Dil ne fir awaaz lagai

‘Sun re O saathi mere
Uski yaad teri parchhayi.
Door kahan jaayegi
Saaya to saath hi hai
Sukun kahan payegi
Dil to udaas hi hai.
Jo chhoot gaya uska mat gam ker
Ab toot gaya, ankhen na nam ker
Ehsaan ker tu bas ye hum par
Har saans per na uska dum bhar.
Chhudva liya jo usne daaman
Pakadne ko ab baaki kya hai?’

Soch ke dekh ek baar tu ae mann
bin Diya ke baati kya hai?

‘Tute sapne ,awaaz na aayi,
Dard mujh mein tu kyu bhar layi?’

Shor dhadkan ka, dimag ki hulchal,
Tanhai mein kahan tanhai?
Aj bhi hai wahi sapna mera
Lagau Hatho main mehndi,
Sakhiya kare vatna mera
Zuban pe ho geet Milan ke,
Aise mile na ho judai.

‘Jo diya kismet ne tujhe,
Kyu na use tu apna leti?
Nahi hota har sapna pura
Nahi to duniya chaand pa leti’

Chand ke na they sapne mere
Ghar chhota sa, bus dharti per
Khushiya kare aangan mei dere
Na ho kabhi judai ka darr!!

‘Ab kya kahun tujhey main dost!
Khuda pe chhod, kuchh ab na soch.
Jab tham li hi hai usne dor
Tab door kahan hoga bhor.


Bhor kaha jab suraj nahi,
Sard mein rooh kaap jaati hai.
Is andhere ki chadar main se
Koi kiran nazar na aati hai
Phoolon ki khushbu rooth gayi
Chidiya bhi na chehakati hai
Har aas ab to toot gayi
Dukh ki badri bas mandrati hai.

Ae man mere soch koi tarkeeb,
Pa pau jisse pyar main apna
Khushiyo ka phir sansar ho
Din raat usi ka naam ho japna.

‘Bhul ja jo tera na tha,
Band ho gaya hai ateet-dwar.
Dekh aage nayi manzil teh kar
wahi hoga tera pyar.
Maana asan nahi hai karna,
Per zindagi chalne ka naam hai.
Yaha na hai koi bhi ruk paya
Yahin mera aakhiri payyaam hai.
Dhek dukh ki badri chhati
Suraj phir nikal aaya
Mausam badla, fir bahar aayi
Shayad phir sandesha laya
Nahin hai jo apne bas mein
Usko kahan badlegi tu
Duniya ka hai yehi asul
Bhool ja ab pichhli sab bhool
Tham le use jo tera saath de
De usey jo apna hath de.
Zindagi toh hai chhayo dhup,
Phoolo ke saath milte hai shul.’