Back to square One!!!

For a past few weeks I found it difficult to love Him and love myself...I couldn't stop thinking of all the challenges that life threw at me...And I couldn't stop worrying about the future......

what's wrong with me...Did I ever think about the future before...Did I ever care about people's opinion...Did I ever feel insecure....Never....

I am in the middle of identity crisis...I don't know who I am and where I m headed to...Arpita who loved Him even if he took away everything from her or the Arpita who hates God for putting her through sufferings and tortures....and now this Arpita puts herself through immense pain by trying to give up her lyf support system that is her trust in God...Is this me or was that me...Am I emotional or am I not emotional....and What am I living for...I have no purpose to serve to the humanity....And if I m not making any difference to the world then what am i here for...Y don't I just put an end to my lyf and hence all the sufferings...

I had to put in all my determination to hold myself from committing suicide... thinking of all the pain that Vishal has inflicted on his family by probably feeling the same way as I do now... If I have never done anything great for my family...I wont harm them emotionally either...Let God see what love is for he has forgotten how to love...


Today while walking when I heard a group of people singing mantras it gave me so much of relief...but hell this is not what I want....

I don't want God or anything to do with God....Y do I feel spell bound by them...Y don't I move ahead by just ignoring them....Rather I chose to sit on a bench and meditate...the peace that I experienced was so genuine...There were no ifs and buts only peace....I hate the fact that I love Him and I probably only feel at ease with myself when I think of His presence in my life...I admit that I cant imagine life without Him...He might hurt me and yet its Him that I love...Him that I want...Strange but true!!!I blame Him for all the pain and still can't live without His love either...At my age ppl don't usually think the way I do...How I hate myself for that...I want to be oblivious of Him like most people are...and yet I love Him...That's me loving the apathetic power...I am back to square one...I missed Him all the tym...and it's so much simpler to accept it than to fight it

Call it Blasphemy!!!!!

I wana believe He doesn't exist but He makes his presence felt with every breath I take; with every sunrise He wakes me up and ensures that I feel his complete control over my life; with every sunset He makes it certain that every dream narrates all that HE has taken away from me...

The realization dawned on me long tym back that I am just insignificant, a pawn in the game of that SADISTIC Power who loves to see people (who he claims are His children) in pain...What Kind of Father is He who loves to see His children cry....OH!!!Let me not forget TRYING TIMES MAKE US STRONGER AND TEACH US TO BE BETTER HUMANS... SO LEARN AND FEEL PROUD THAT U R GETTING TO LEARN...But did I ever ask to be taught..I don't want to grow or learn...For bleeping five years, I have been learning...And learning so tremendously that i have forgotten how to live...I see people getting away with the sinful acts and coming out scotch free...And I who stuck to most of the tenets and commandments that religions have laid for humans get to suffer...How I hate it when mum tells me that this suffering is the evidence that I am in His books....Coz I don't wana be in His books...

If we are His children then Y does He makes us suffer so much? If suffering is a part of His love then I hope and wish that HE hates me just the way I have started hating Him...I relied on Him all my lyf...during thick and thin, I banked on Him for His guidance and gave Him that place in my life that no one ever could have taken...no one but Him...And today when He has left me in the middle of nowhere...where do I go...Who do I rely on...I feel directionless, disoriented and shattered...

I wish He understands that five years are enough to kill someone...Why at all did He give me life when it had to be so full of sufferings...I am running out of patience and perseverance that is required to get through the challenges that He keeps throwing on to me...Every time I felt that He has blessed me....It was a curse in disguise...He hurts me and then doesn't even bother to look back...

What reason do i have to love You...What reason do i have to accept you and abide by your laws...I wana have a carefree life too like most of the people my age..

I wish You once get to come on this earth and live through the pains and sufferings of the humans....You'll start hating Yourself....

You know we humans are cursed with sinful nature (that is none other than one of your gifts to your children)..But you!!! You are selfish, impure, mean, sadistic, sardonic, brutal, barbarous, egoistic and ruthless...What do I call the one who enjoys inflicting pain on His children...No word probably is good enough to describe YOU...Call it blasphemy!!! You are filthier than the filthiest human.

Fatal Attraction

I sat and thought about the blinding light that whispered 'I love you' in my ears.. I managed to convince myself that it was a dream or maybe a hallucination..What was it trying to convey...May be nothing except that I need to see a psychologist...I tried to forget all about it..

A few days later, the picture over my bed could have hit my head... I felt it was due to the earthquake that no one other me and my mum in Dehradun felt...I thought it would be in the news... But there wasn't any such news...I shrugged it as another hallucination...I was convinced that I need a psychologist but I heaved a sigh of relief when I found out that mom had the same experience so it was not just me...What a relief...


I remember asking God if the decision I have taken is right or wrong and remember the heavy air around me as is He wanted me to back off... But did I understand it???

I remember the disturbing dreams that every night appeared to warn me about something...Probably a cataclysm...But did I take a clue???

Everything around me was warning me...My new phone giving up...My machines failing and my health deteriorating...as if all the five elements have given up on me and the sixth had taken over the complete control...But did I trust my instincts...

I remember feeling paralyzed when the worst was happening...I felt the pain when someone else was stabbed...But did It mean anything to me...Nope!!

So staunchly I believed in science and reasoning that all these incidents conveyed nothing to me but "My Own Disturbed Mind".

Every thing is as fresh in my mind as is the pain of separation...But here I stand, willing to take the responsibility than to disavow....

Everything noticeably lead to the cataclysm that the world witnessed..But there was an aftermath it failed to notice..A different me- a scientific bent of mind taking a sudden turn towards superstitions..

I don't feel abashed today while I affirm the existence of energies around us.. There isn't a moment of hesitation while accepting the most incredulous story...I believe in auras...in para physics and the forces in nature...I believe in all that I once shunned the idea of...Today I believe in the existence of fairies, demons, angels, occult sciences, hoodoo, voodoo, astrology, evil eye and all that has to do anything with the energies in nature...I am so attracted towards them that at times I feel like deviating from the path of shabd yog and following sahaj yog...Afterall its human nature to run after the forbidden fruit...I don't know if this exposure to the energies has made me open to the new ideas or has it made me superstitious and vulnerable...

Now after the reconciliation, I can't stop myself from being intrigued by them...My curiosity takes me to all the seminars that talk about them...I talk to people who know about them...I read all the literature that I get about them...And most importantly I still try to involve my mind else where so that gradually I lose my interest in them...

They fascinate me and more I find about them, more I want to find out...But I know my attraction to them is not healthy... As I am the last person to learn to use them...It takes a great deal of will power to stop myself from going on the path that might lead me away from the GOD...May be this is one of His way of testing me..

I don't know what I am seeking for and where exactly is this curiosity leading me...I just know one thing and that is...that this cannot be the direction of my life... I just wish that God should unravel His plans for me as soon as possible because I am restless and I am afraid that I might astray unless he keeps holding on to me...

बनू मै प्रेम दीवानी

"Kaaga sab tan khaayiyo
mera chun chun khaiyo maas
Do naina mat khayiyo
mujhe piya Milan ki aas
Ranjha ranjha kardi
ni main aape ranjha huin
Ranjha main vich, main ranjhe vich
Hor khayal na koi….
Haaji log mecca nu jaande
main jaana takhat hazaare
Ik val yaaru te val kaaba,
bhaave khol kitaaba saare"
- Dev Kohli

Great were the men who could tread the path that leads to God , great were the men who could belong to both the worlds simultaneously. Great was their attachment with God and great were the ways in which God showered His blessings on them. The wise men say “He is a humble giver and we are the proud beggars”. Truly great are the men who can become more humble than The Humble One.

What made men like Kabir, Chokha Mela, Tulsi Sahib, Jnaneshwar, Gora Kumbhar, Kanhopatra, Namdev and Changdev worthy of His grace? Probably their unpretentious upbringing as they all came from a modest background? But on the contrary Bulleh Shah (who belonged to the Prophet's family and was a follower of Inayat Shah,an Arain), Meerabai (Princess of Mewaad), Sidhartha (the prince of Shakya Dynasty) and Bahadur Shah Zafar(The Last Mughal) had a royal lineage? What won Him over? Virtues common in all of them, I realize, are their perseverance, modesty, detachment to the worldly possessions and their faith in their respective Masters? The world couldn't stop inflicting pain on them but they moved on fearlessly without bothering. Often their families discouraged and dissuaded them but nothing ever assuaged their love for the almighty One.I wonder what made them so detached with to world that they could go against the society, the family, the rigid rituals and could happily bear the pain that this world inflicted on them without ever deterring from the path.

No matter how much ever I reason out that this world is an illusion, it is transient; all the loved ones are swindlers and monetary gains are just as transient as this world. Nevertheless I find it difficult to shed the vanity for my heritage, my lineage, my achievements and everything else that God has blessed me with. Sometimes my ego overshadows His grace manifest. In spite of the pain of separation and rejection that He has blessed me with (so that I could decipher the true nature of the world) I, an incorrigible child, still find it difficult to stay detached to His ephemeral creations. And attached!!attached I am to this world to the level that I sometimes completely ignore His presence. But ask Him why he has sent me in this virtual Ocean when He did not want me to get drenched. I have lost the protection that He had provided me with and I am too weak to find it..Didn't He promise that He would send it back..then whats taking Him so long.. I am already diseased and infected by the worldliness.. I am heavy with the weight of sins that I have committed and unless you grant me NAAM, how do I shed it off...

More you make me wait more you'll have to work on me..So why delay..You promised me and today I ask you to keep it...


Whoever thinks that YOUR love is unconditional is fooling oneself as it comes with the condition of loving You more than anything that You have created. How do I do that without Your grace? I may not admit but the truth is that I am weak; I may not confess but I am a sinner; I may not announce but I am a conceited person; I may not affirm but I lack the wisdom, knowledge, patience, dedication and perseverance that are required to find You. I am weak but You are not so why not find me.


Meera Bai could walk on the broken glass pieces, You saved her. You could make a cow recite Vedas for Jnaneshwar, you could protect the kittens from fire for Gora Kumbhar but all that I ask for is You to make me fall in love with You. Is it too much to ask for? And if at all it is; why do u make your presence felt when You know that I am so apathetic, Why at all do u cover my shortcomings when you know that I truly deserve to be punished..Why don't you greet me as I feel so incomplete all the time and I know that it's only You who can fill the vacuum..Please bless me with your grace..Please help me fall in love with you..Help me become oblivious of this world..Please Initiate me..I need to clean the rusty chair of my heart, scrub it, scratch it, for the dust has been falling since ages. I need to bring it back to its original golden color so that You, my father can find this low being worthy of your residence..But how do I do it without the effective cleanser..

There is nothing else worthy of being asked for..My heart is distracted, my mind scattered.. I have never felt the five flaws residing in me as strongly as I do now..How do I escape their trap..Its only You who can free me of them..Pull me out of it before the whirlpool of kaal engulfs me..the anchor of my devotion has lost the grip...

I want to feel the same pull that Namdev by your grace, felt. I want to feel the same passion that Meerabai felt, I want to feel the same detachment that Siddhartha felt, I want to be the part of the same league that all these legends belonged to..I want to feel the pain of love for You..

Pyaar mangiya si toh se maine rabba
Kedi main khudayi mang li

निकल भी जा, निकल भी जा पतली गली से निकल भी जा

How to lose a guy in 3 meetings


This worked for me……Guys check it out….

How Indian system of marriage sucks!!!!

Meeting guys after guys with their expectations and demands, I was finally sick and tired when asked to meet one of the other silly boys!!!

‘Mom, can we do it after some other time! They are all stupid and immature.’
‘This one seems interesting. He has got a great profile. You’ll like him when you meet him’.

I went through the profile endless number of times…It was one of those intellectual profiles (a typical mom-dad-lyk-it kinna profile)…How I wished mom understood that IQ level is different to EQ, wisdom and maturity levels which guys barely have…Perhaps because they are not required to highlight any of those in their CVs….I wonder if I am cursed with these things before the right age or is it a blessing!!

Little did I know then that that meeting would be one of the most hilarious and interesting meetings I’ve ever had…

To begin with his arrival was marked by four dreaded letters L-A-T-E…Indian way of showing one’s virtual importance…And for me one strong reason to disregard him as my ‘MR. RIGHT’...Nevertheless, my cousin and I made ourselves comfortable by seeing around the hotel. Thereafter, we both sat in the coffee shop from where we could see my family in the lounge waiting for him and his family…

In the meanwhile we thought of all the ways of making the guy say ‘no’ if I dislike the guy like… taking out a pack of sutta while fidgeting with the things inside the purse…flaunting my expensive accessories to put emphasis on my extravagance…talking about the endless number of imaginary flings with unknown guys to ward of ennui, etc, etc..

However I had a better plan on my mind (if I dint like him plan)….After all the above mentioned plans can prove fatal for the family’s honor plus they have been repeated and over-the-years-use has worn them out….This noval plan would cover the loopholes and lapses in the previous plans…(All thanks to Why men love bitches)…For instance, it wouldn’t involve the family’s honor (how families can be sensitive about little things….the idea is to play safe); it wouldn’t hurt the guy’s ego(After all most men are MCPs). And the best part of the plan was, is and will remain that I wouldn’t have to carry the weight of an additional guilt coz it didn't include hurting the guy emotionally….

Doesn’t that sound ideal…

Meeting his family, I was slightly taken aback due to the striking resemblance of his mum to someone I really care for…however this couldn’t have been the reason to get married…after exchanging the initial greetings…we were allowed the usual LET-THE-BOY-AND-THE-GIRL- TALK-IN-PERSON…Where I sincerely talked to the guy (without putting my plan into action)…I was really beginning to like the guy…but one silly little statement changed it all…I had realized that he was the 'the old gift in a new package'

I started doubting his MAN OF SUBSTANCE image…and I knew he isn’t the one…however I retained my calm at surface…and did not show my disappointment in him... ‘no' wasn’t an option open before me but putting the plan into action was…

Having shown my interest in him I agreed for the second meeting…Unfortunately there was one weakness in this case and that was his mum…I have to admit that I somehow felt attached to her...In the second meeting I started with my plan which included being over talkative and introducing him to ennui…but I couldn’t somehow execute it effectively till the end due to the awareness that his mum was around…the meeting ended with the promise that he would call…I came back home and switched off my cell…I felt demoralized, working on plan meant lying, being unlike myself and I was hardly doing that before him…However spent my day talking with my cousins and friends about the situation…I had to put crisis management in action rather than the PLAN...

Finally I decided to call the plan an off and returned to my unpretentious and real self…I called him the next day (which is so very unlike me) and was greeted by one of his usual stupid presumptions(He had been thinking about me just the way I had been thinking about him....what crap!!!I have been only thinking about the disaster that I had already done and disaster management...he unfortunately was a part of it but not the in the real romantic sense.....grrrr!! stop presuming boy and let me talk)...I truly wanted to tell him then that these theories are subjective and I am the last one who would conform to these...However hurting him emotionally was not on my mind and besides that would confirm that I am smarter than he is...However I went on with my honest confession mixed with little lies to insulate him from emotional hurt...and announced that I need to call it an off and gave him the reason for it, although not all of them as I wante to keep the conversation short and simple…His response began with the much expected “I M NOT TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR MIND…Uff!!! how many time have I heard that ”The very statement that told me that the guy can’t take rejection and is actually trying to change my mind… so the plan must be executed…you’ll get to reject me dude…take a chill pill…And then I let him take over the conversation. It majorly included the clichés, flirtatious monologues and the endless number of ex-trophy-girls…boy I have outgrown all this… Do I really care about your ideas, flings and conversation skills (that were not in any case very impressive, he sounded confused and incoherent)… However I had to show interest and sound impressed...I didn't have to reject him but I had to make him reject me and I knew this conversation could play a great role in it…Allowed him to take the pleasure of disconnecting the call(how I would have loved to take the honor an hour before)…The next day I discussed with my cousin the POA…

All that I needed was one last meet….And I prayed for it day in and day out..

Jab apko koi cheez dil se chahiye hoti hai toh saari kayanaat aapko us se milane ki koshish karti hain….yeh main nahi SHARUKH KHAAN kehta hai….wink

The plan focused more or less on these small tips:

Do's

1)Act naïve
2)Sound desperate to impress
3)Talk more especially about the things he cannot connect with. Ensure while doing so do NOT wait for his responses...
Rem one-sided conversation is a big turn off..
4)Maintain bad gait, and take the liberty of forgetting important places, dates and names
5)Embarrass him by talking big in front of his relatives (if any)
6)Avoid eye contact esp. if eyes are expressive,
7)Forget manners and etiquettes,

8)Criticize the people mentioned as loved ones in the previous meetings (I know it’s tough to do but avoiding eye contact really helps),
9)Complaining and whining about every little thing,
11)Talking of imaginary POAs after the date and canceling them coz ‘I m so grieved by your departure today’ factor and most importantly shunning all that was genuinely liked by him on the first two dates…


By the way I took these tips from ‘Why men love bitches?’

I had already started applying them on the telephonic conversations and text messages in the mean while…

Finally I get the opportunity to meet him the third time…the golden opportunity…I remind myself every moment… SCREW IT OR GET SCREWED…

To begin with, we started for CP from Rajouri on an AUTO...does that sound silly to you… Auto wale se ladnaa zaroori thha na… A few grammatical errors on the way was a big hit (suggested by my cousin)...After reaching CP…we looked around for Opal lounge… Did it ever exist??? Wink!!! Finally we reach a place once frequented by my imaginary old college friends huh!!!…slurred and lisped and talked till either I or he hit the ground.

Once home I was certain that I wouldn’t receive any message or call from him and I decided to celebrate my victory with my cousins…But hello… I received a message stating “It was worth missing a flight”…So it didn’t work…what a turn off!!! My day gone waste…I missed my eff class to work on things and they seemed to have backfired…I knew he had a bad taste as he couldn't stop reiterating about his expectations which weren't the expectation a classy man would have...but apparently he had no taste at all…What if he still decides to marry me...I can't hurt my family...I will have to do something quickly...Frantically I called a friend...

"May be he is just trying to be polite... Just keep working on the plan and things will be fine"

I decided to call off the celebrations until i get the result of my hardwork…

Needless to say, I never missed out my prayers for it was only Him who could have helped me...

Time to execute the last step of the plan…ie..show how eager I am to marry him... you bet it is a great turn off for any guy…

I did it as soon as he reached the US…This was the last part of the plan…and it was well executed...I must get an IIFA Award for script writing and performance...wink!!!

I wish I could tell him that I think that he hasn’t really dated as many girls as he claimed…Actually any fool could have seen my intentions...wink!!!


So finally things have ended...I am sure he'll think ten times before meeting any Indian girl...MR IBCD...geee!!!

By the way I am all set to meet the next guy ;-)

Shadow in the Dark

Within a period of time I have seen a drastic change in everything around me. I feel this can help a lot of people who might have been spurred and rebuked by life.

Sometime back I started to feel uncomfortable and ill- at- ease by my own shadow. At that point of time I failed to understand why? Despite it being a part of my own existence, it looked unfamiliar, conspicuously incomplete, malnourished, undefined, ugly, lost, disconcerted, diminutive- as if it has never woven dreams, dark, hollow and most importantly unrelated to me. As far as I remember, there was beauty and grace in all my acts… and my reflection always extended more than its own reach...It was full of ideas, dreams...It was untouched by pain.This shadow seemed, lifeless, passive and otiose. There was something noticeably different about it that would pull a trigger of negative thoughts in the centre of my being. It as always, followed me loyally on all the paths that I tread- sometimes I felt its presence in the physical sense and most of the time I would find it riding in my emotional and mental state. The more I contemplated about it, the more I found myself intricately woven in the web of doubts. …My shadow was like a quagmire in my mind that engulfed every thought that passed through it. I often found me trying to convince the self that, that lifeless, full-of-flaws demon was not my own reflection and that I will be able to jettison it and perhaps fool it… but being aware of the truth, my mind would soon retain its usual discomfort with the double force… I would try to deviate my mind- putting it in work, parties, exercise and all that I could possibly think of... But nothing proved to be a panacea for its illness. A constant war raged in my mind amongst all sorts of known and cryptic emotions. What was the shadow trying to convey? Was shadow chasing me or it was I chasing it? I gradually lost faith in myself. If I couldn’t ward off my own reflection, what else do I have control on? My self esteem level declined, and I started drifting away from myself. Feeling execrable with every breath I took, I acquiesced to the power of that vague and weak shadow. What an irony! I tried to suppress my anxiety but with every rising sun, an unknown image peeping through the mirror would mock at me reminding me of my weakness. I lost my appetite, my sleep, my desire to work, my will to live and a hope of better tomorrow. Who could have helped me to escape my reflection? Where could have I run? Unlike most shadows, it doesn’t even leave me in the dark as it always manage to occupy my mind… How do I escape it?
Feeling disappointed, sitting on a bench in a park, I unwittingly prayed to the Lord to take me in his canopy and expurgate the unwanted thoughts that haunted me day and night. Someone has rightly said ‘Face the Sun and the shadow will fall behind you’. I guess my prayers were answered. As I was thinking, I felt hands on my shoulders. As I looked at the source of interruptions in my thoughts, I instinctively knew that he was a God-sent. A radiant soul, in the garb of human flesh was beaming at me. A sense of relief flooded through me. Peace, tranquility, serenity that had alienated me, were finding their way back in my mind. I felt effortlessly drawn to him. I could sense a power that was uprooting the noxious fears, inhibitions and doubts that were embedded deeply in my mind. I became completely oblivious of self and just basked in the power of the divinity that eluded from him, invigorating me, rejuvenating me. He kept looking at me. He placed his finger in the middle of my brows. Smiled and said ‘True enlightenment is found in the dark’. Before I could bring myself together and ask him anything, he left me pondering over the line. It was as ironical as life.
After great deal of mind storming, I guess I figured out what to do. I went back to the quietness of my room, drew the curtains and sat on my bed. I felt the divine power guiding me. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the point where he had placed his fingers. I know it is incredible but I could sense his presence lingering everywhere in and around me. And then I was lost in the world that I had never known existed in me and yet knew that it was always there.
There was a veritable ocean of tranquility flowing through me. The entire cosmos seemed to have found abode in me, somewhere chirping like a bird, somewhere murmuring like a stream, sometimes singing melodiously and at the other times playing endless musical instrument. It manifested itself as spring, bringing forth the endless hues with their unmatched brightness and exquisite luster; it rained like a thunderstorm, drenching my soul and my heartbeats; it fell with the leaves as during the Fall and appeared like a thousand rising suns in the middle of a dark night. The entire nature seemed to be dancing to the tune of unstruck music. I felt the state of beatitude. I witnessed the beauty unfolding within me that no words can possibly describe, the magnificence that cannot be imbibed in by the open eyes and the sounds that no worldly ears can ever perceive. The purity is rare, priceless and indescribable. So how do I define the experience that was just so untouched by worldliness? Evolved words of scriptures, opulent paintings, finest literature and all the other possible means of expression are merely an understatement to its gargantuan. I felt exhilarated and elevated.
I don’t know for how long I sat there. But when I opened my eyes, I felt the excruciating pain of being away from that omniscient and omnipotent One. I tried over and over to close my eyes and concentrate so as to return to His lap. But I had lost it. Apparently I had done something to displease Him. I begged Him to make His presence felt again. But all my entreaties fell on the deaf ear. I cried ceaselessly but He didn’t bother. I once again felt that anxiety returning over me. But there was a difference. This time this anxiety came with the trust that my Father is with me, may be little annoyed but He is there. And just the feeling of having Him within me to take care of me was enough to console me. I just had to find him. Perhaps some fresh air would do me good. I decided to go out of the room as if this had been directed by the divine call too. I felt God’s presence everywhere, I could hear him chirping in a bird, perched on a tree, begging in a beggar on a street, I could see him setting in the sun and rising in the moon, I could see him riding a bicycle in a child, I could hear him in the murmuring of the stream, I could smell him in the fragrance of the flower. He was present in every atom, in every particle -smiling, complaining, crying, dancing, laughing, criticizing, breathing, working, and yet unknown to all its creation.

He is trying to make His presence felt, waiting for his children to discover him and to realize that He is the Truth, the creator, the sustainer, the giver. He is waiting to be loved by the ones who owe Him everything that they possess. But the world is so busy in the pursuits of illusion that it has no time left to thank that One Reality who has crafted every molecule with such great care. The world has no love for the One who loves them unconditionally and who would forgive their unpardonable sins just for few minutes of their love. I see him pining for his astray children, trying to remind them of His presence- sometimes by blessing them, sometimes by showing them the impermanence of this world and sometimes by punishing them. Being aware of the apathetic attitude of his children towards him he feels hurt but still keeps calling them continuously hoping that one day his call will fall on their deaf ears and they will accept him and love him as their father and this realization will make it possible for Him to take them back to their Royal home from this world of sufferings. How he hates to see them in pain! How he hates to see them suffer! How he yearns for them to join him in his abode.
He is so desperate to have them back that He comes on this malignant earth in the human form. He pardons their follies, overlooks their imperfections, and tries to remind them of that ultimate One. He knows that his children doubt him, his purity, his presence and yet he doesn’t cease to teach them. He laughs when they smile and suffers when He sees them suffering. He sees them sometimes blaming Him for all the pain that they have to endure, and yet with compassion He tries to help them in all the ways possible, without ever reminding them of their mistakes. I saw him suffering when he saw their endless suffering. I saw him showering unearthly love and his children standing with the inverted cup to hold it. I saw him being disappointed, being upset at his incompetent children and yet loving them constantly without any conditions.
I realized that I was the chosen one to feel his divine presence.

Now when I look back at my shadow, it is complete, graceful, and full of life and vitality, in harmony and balance with the Universe. And it is perfectly in sync with me flowing in the waves of life towards that Great Ocean of love which I realize, is the very source of my existence.